Ambient Notes #8 (Piazza di Pietra)

-I'm in Rome installing an exhibition with N. and T.. I'm waiting for them to finish hanging the photographs so we can start work on the sound installation down in the basement of the gallery. I sit in the Piazza di Pietra watching tourists.

-A child walks past with a t-shirt with 'BEER' written on the back.

-Multiple groups walk by. Each group has a group leader with a special group leader flag. The group leader flags are all home made. I'm surprised that no one has started a group leader flag ebay shop.

-There is a man dressed as a Roman Centurion. He touts for photo opportunities. He has a cape and some body armour and a wig which he makes the person wear while their friend/partner takes the photo. Children are scared of him.

-I'm sitting on a bike rack. There aren't any benches in the square.

-The Roman Centurion is quite aggressive in his touting. He grabs women by the arm and speaks in a pretend "Roman voice". It seems like once he has touched you, you owe him money.

-Some of the improvised group leader flags: a white napkin on a cane, a large plastic sunflower, a sock on a walking stick.

-The Roman Centurion tries to humiliate a young man by purposefully avoiding his attempt at a high five.


-This isn't prime tourist time, by the way, it's like 6pm in May, but it's still pretty busy.


-I realise that often, when the Roman Centurion is being a total dick to someone, they've normally just said a slightly snarky joke to him after refusing his offer of a photo opportunity.

-Group leader flag: a laminated A4 print out of a weird, home made logo on a cane.

-Two old women are laughing very hard at the borderline sexual aggression of the Roman Centurion.

-Group leader flag: a home made streamer on what appears to be a sawn-off golf club.

-A lot of people are wearing their backpacks on their front.

-The Roman Centurion, I now realise, speaks English with a eastern European accent. I suddenly realise that this isn't anyone's ideal job.

-A grandma walks past pushing a buggy. She dangles the child's own sock in front of its face, and the child laughs and tries to grab the sock. The child is having fun, but it also looks a bit scared and like it's on the edge of some darker psychological moment.

-A couple in beige socks and polo shirts try to take photos of each other in front of the Roman building that somehow don't include the Roman Centurion in the background.

-Oh yeah, in the square is a Roman building. I don't know what it is and I've been in the city for like six hours and I already don't care.

-Group leader flag: a sparkly neckerchief attached to a car aerial.

-Two African guys lay out fake designer bags on the floor of the square. In Barcelona the African bag seller guys had big blankets upon which they arranged their wares so that when the police came they just whipped up the blanket and everything was hidden. They employed younger African guys as lookouts too. These guys just look nervously around the square. It probably isn't a good security technique, also, it doesn't make people want to approach them to buy the bags.

-There is accordion music wafting from one side of the square. It is annoying. Probably even to the person playing it.

-The Roman Centurion has spotted me writing and looking at him. He approaches me, staring, eating crisps.

-A little boy stares at the African bag seller guys. He could be their lookout.

-The Roman Centurion stands directly behind me and smokes a cigarette. When he walks away, I see he smokes Marlboro Reds. He has big arms and tattoos.

-A man walks past wearing a red polo shirt with a Ferrari logo on the arm, holding a Ferrari bag from the Ferrari shop.

-Group leader flag: a plastic witches hat, held aloft every once in a while.

-I have been sitting opposite a cafe with a Slush Puppie machine outside. Its endless, cyclonic motion is sickening and beautiful.

-Group leader flag: some translucent, decorative taffeta on a cane.

-The Roman Centurion spots a big, beautiful Labrador across the square. He stops harassing a group of Swedish women and runs over to the owner, holding out his iPhone. He pets the dog furiously, then asks the owner to take a photo of him with the dog licking his face.